Are You Invested in Struggle? June 2022
Struggle: to move with difficulty or with great effort
Sitting on my deck, drinking coffee at sunrise, I reflect on my journey of learning to live in ease and let go of the struggle. It’s a daily practice of noticing the ease in my life. The ease with which I make decisions. The ease with which I breathe deeply. The ease with which what I desire flows to me in a series of synchronicities and serendipitous moments. It was not always like this. I allowed struggle to define much of my life and I often felt overwhelming sadness as I thought, “Why does everything have to be so hard?”
Every aspect of my life reflected struggle - friendships, romantic relationships, my brief marriage, a strained relationship with my parents and family members, my indecisiveness with a career path, trying to decide where to live, leaving Africa, raising my son alone, assisting my father in the last months of his life, losing a friend to suicide. Struggle seemed to define me. At times I struggled to even make simple decisions like what to eat, or what to do with my free time. I recall at least three times in my life wishing that I could simply cease to exist and not do life anymore. Because it was So. Freaking. Hard.
When I began to understand that my reality was a product of my beliefs, it became obvious that I had created my own prison. I began to see beyond the veil, moving backward through the tapestry of my life until I arrived at my birth story and adoption. Delving into the subconscious terrain of my mind revealed to me where the struggle began. I was born in Berlin to young Italian parents- a young father who couldn’t read or write at that time, a mother who was depressed and afraid. They signed documents surrendering custody to my American parents within a few days of my birth. The entire process was shrouded in mystery for me. When I was four, I was told I was adopted, that I was chosen, and I became a naturalized U.S. citizen.
My adopted parents didn’t understand the impact this had on me. I remember as a little girl feeling like I didn’t belong, like I was on the outside, that I did not fit. I dreaded waking up each morning, getting going for the day was hard, and I often felt like I was moving in slow motion through life. I was awkward in my body, my vision was poor. And I perpetuated that story of struggle from a young age- experiencing rejection, bullying, and never ever feeling satisfied with anything. Always wanting to understand why for everything. Always seeking explanations. When I couldn’t get the answers I sought, I filled in the blanks, made assumptions, and made up stories with my chaotic creative brain in hopes of creating my own safety and sense of belonging. I attracted painful experiences, difficult friendships, chaotic and even, dangerous situations. My seeking felt like struggle and it was the norm for me. It was exhausting! It took tremendous energy to maintain! And I was invested in my story.
When I began the deep dive into my subconscious terrain with PSYCH-K® and Shamanic work, I was blown away with the clarity of my struggle journey- I could see it all! I always say to clients, once you see, you cannot unsee. As I began to see, the pieces came together for me. Our reality is always a reflection of our core beliefs. Our thoughts, feelings and attitudes are always a product of our core beliefs. These thoughts and feelings dictate our behavior, and we always get the same results when we make the same choices. The catch is being in choice. When a subconscious belief, and in my case, the belief being “My life is a struggle”, is running the show, a person is not in choice. Thus, even when I thought I was making a choice, I perpetuated the reality of struggle…everywhere!
When my mentor asked me, “What would you be without struggle?”, I was perplexed. How could that even be possible? How could things NOT be hard? This after all, was my hallmark and there was a payoff when a person exclaimed, “Your life has been so hard! Oh my gosh! How have you survived?” I realized I was actually invested in the struggle- it had become a part of my identity and way of being. This was a defining moment and major departure from the old ways in which I had lived and loved. I addressed my relationship with struggle during a PSYCH-K® workshop in January of 2018. Once I began to shift my paradigm from STRUGGLE to EASE, every aspect of my life changed. From that point, I would catch myself “struggling” and realize I have a choice in this moment and there is a way for this to be easy. My relationship with EASE became a magical mystical tour of each day of my life from that day forward. I walked out of that workshop with the intention of quitting corporate and dedicating my life to becoming a Facilitator full time to support other people in dropping their struggle so they could step into their freedom. Within 3 months, I had my first private clients. Within 6 months, I left a fantastic job as a recruiter, and created my path as a Transformation Catalyst and Shamanic Practitioner. I had studied shamanic healing, energy work, meditation and other holistic modalities since 1996 and began to see the path unfold before me to easily create my life’s work and heart path. I let go of relationships that had been born in struggle. I allowed ease into my life. The more I embodied ease, the easier everything flowed in my life. Incredible experiences flowed to me, remarkable people flowed into my life, curious clients showed up and embraced the beauty and ease of their lives.
And still, I catch myself at times, inviting in the struggle. Those remaining threads in the tapestry of my life- born in struggle. I am equipped with powerful tools now to address these threads and lovingly rewrite the tapestry with ease and even joy. Its refreshing to catch myself, laugh, and say “Oh there’s that struggle piece again! No thank you! I choose the easy path today!” My hope is that my journey will inspire you to notice whether you have an investment in struggle in any area of your life. Do you relate to the concept of struggle? Have you unknowingly been living out a story of struggle? Do you recognize the threads of struggle, or her sisters- chaos, distress, anxiety, frustration- as an integral part of your life? And, are you ready to give up the struggle and allow in something new and supportive in your life? The beauty of working with the subconscious mind is all of this can be re-written with ease. On the other side of your struggle, is your joy, your freedom, your peace, your life. If you are ready to step fully into your power and alignment with your Divine Blueprint for your life, I would love to support your journey. The time for transformation is now. What are you waiting for?
ONE ON ONE TRANSFORMATIVE WORK If you would like to explore PSYCH-K® and rewriting your beliefs at the subconscious level, Shamanic work, energetic healing or meditation, message me through the Contact Me page on my website.
JOURNEYS and WORKSHOPS I also offer small group and one on one journeys, ceremony and ritual to support times of transition. The session format is co-creative, supportive and unique to healing and awakening your Inner Guidance.
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